Soap

Good Sunday, dear friends.

I just have to pass this on! While this story is simply that -- a story, originally put forward by comic Shelley Berman -- it certainly demonstrates frustrations with the mindless bureacracy. Enjoy!

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Dear Maid,

Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine cabinet and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,
S. Berman

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Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily.

I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

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Dear Maid -- I hope you are my regular maid.

Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.

Please remove them.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed to place in each room by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Your regular maid,
Dotty

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Dear Mr. Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8 am and 5 pm. Thank you.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

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Dear Ms. Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 am and don't get back before 5:30 or 6 pm. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 betweem 8 am and 5 pm. Thank you,

Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper

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Dr. Mr. Kensedder,

My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager

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Dear Ms. Carmen,

Who the hell left 54 little bars of camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

S. Berman

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Dear Mr. Berman,

You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper

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Dear Ms. Carmen,

Just a short note to bring you up to date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

* On shelf under medicine cabinet: 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2
* On Kleenex dispenser: 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3
* On bedroom dresser: 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 camay in 2 stacks of 4
* Inside medicine cabinet: 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2
* In shower soap dish: 6 Camay, very moist
* On northeast corner of tub: 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used
* On northwest corner of tub: 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

S. Berman

Story Structure

In my studies of story structure, the biggest surprise I found was how little story development varies. My dear friends, we are such very boring creatures! No matter the genre, the same development of story events occurred, over and over and over.

For this blog entry I wanted to give a quick summary of story structure according to me. Much of this is not original work -- I'm not that brilliant -- but I've synthesized the work of smart people with my own humble observations to come up with a model of story structure that works for me, during my work in coaching writers.

During my studies, I tore apart about 20 *good* modern novels (ie novels that I enjoyed), ranging in genre from literary to adventure to mystery to YA to science fiction, plus a bunch of movies. I did word counts or timed scenes with a watch, listed everything into columns, and then analyzed the commonalities of story progression across genre.

The story can be divided into four more-or-less equal parts, each part with a distinct theme. Furthermore, there are definite story POSTS that occur reliably in the progression of the story, and land reliably within a range of a few percentage points of the whole. I'll put them down very briefly, and use the film *My Big Fat Greek Wedding* to illustrate. BTW I could have picked just about anything to illustrate, but this is a cute movie :-)

ACT ONE: demonstrates the original or starting position of the protagonist, plus the set up to show how he moves into the main story.

Ordinary World -- shows what the protagonist's *normal life* is like. Toula is a 30 year old unmarried Greek woman working in her (extremely intrusive) family's restaurant.

Inciting Incident -- shows a potential change offered to the protagonist, either a choice or an assignment. Toula finds a college brochure that might offer her an opportunity to achieve something different by taking a few classes.

Argument -- the protagonist isn't sure if he will enter the new world or not. Toula must convince her father to allow her to take some courses at the college.

Door -- represents a *journey* into the new world. Toula enters the college campus and starts taking classes.

ACT TWO FIRST PART: the protagonist learns how the *New World* works, and also thinks that once this little journey is over he will be *unchanged* (able to straddle or return to the Ordinary World). This is often shown as a series of three encounters, each increasingly involved.

Toula is shown changing her image to become more glamorous (hair, clothing, ditching the glasses, makeup etc.), answering questions competently in class, and socializing with other students (something she couldn't do as a kid).

Midpoint: an often flashy event that represents either a false high, or a devastating loss, that makes it clear the protagonist can no longer go back to his Ordinary World.

Toula meets Ian, a high school English teacher, and starts dating him even though she knows her family will *never* accept him because he isn't Greek. Shortly afterwards, Nikki tells Toula that the family knows about her romance with Ian, and then Toula must sit before the disapproving family committee that tells her to break it off.

ACT TWO SECOND PART: the protagonist scrambles to regain equilibrium while the antagonistic forces gain power. Toula's family tries to match her with other *suitable* bachelors without success. Finally Ian proposes to Toula, who joyfully accepts, but her family only reluctantly agrees. Ian yields to these powerful forces by becoming *Greek*: becoming baptized and participating in Greek family activities, including a fabulous party in which Ian's conservative parents are contrasted with the noisy Porticullis clan.

Slide: another often flashy event that serves as a funnel. The nature of the climax is now clearly seen. Often there is a sort of *death* present here; think Obi Wan against Darth Vader in the first Star Wars movie. (observation courtesy of Blake Snyder in his Save the Cat!, a book I highly recommend). Toula comes home with her wedding plans, only to learn her family has already ordered the invitations and the bridesmaids' dresses.

ACT THREE: the protagonist gears up for the final encounter, although it looks unlikely that he will ever win. Toula is dismayed that her family is so intrusive, and that her family and Ian's are so different.

Darkest Moment: The very worst position that the protagonist can possibly imagine. While preparing for the wedding that morning, Toula realizes she will never be free of her family.

Help from Outside: a small action that allows the protagonist to regroup and win. This story post I recognized courtesy of Nancy Rue and Angela Hunt in a NANGIE writing class I took a few years ago. Toula's grandmother shows Toula her own wedding crown, and Toula realizes that her family all love her and that she is connected to her family in a deep and profound way.

Climax: an often flashy sequence in which the protagonist ultimately wins, if not the outer conflict then certainly the inner (think Rocky). Toula and Ian have a beautiful, Greek, wedding and reception. Toula's father makes a joke that shows how Toula's family and Ian's family, although different, are ultimately the same.

Resolution: tells how the protagonist's life will go on. Toula and Ian are shown several years later in a house next door to her family's house, walking their daughter to Greek school.

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OK, there is the story structure in miniature, sort of. Try laying these story points over any story you like -- you'll be surprised at how well they'll match!

This column is for dear friends. I hope it provides some food for thought.

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copyright 2008 by Amy Deardon
all rights reserved

Cute Pix

Just wanted to post some life reminders for a Sunday evening. Hope you're well, dear friends!



Believe in yourself

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Always try to see the glass half-full

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Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless

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Try to have a little fun every day...it's important

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Don't waste food

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Watch your step

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It will get better

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Seize the moment

Happy Birthday, John Lennon

October 9 1940-December 8 1980

I have John Lennon on my mind, probably because it was his birthday yesterday. I smile sadly when I think of him.

Perpetually young, the talented musician and angry agitator, it's hard to believe that John Lennon has been dead for almost 28 years. Lennon was the originator and chief songwriter, along with Paul McCartney, of the Beatles until the group broke up in 1970. He was married most famously to Yoko Ono, had two boys, and was a notoriously free spirit. He was killed outside his apartment in New York City by a deranged fan waiting for him with a gun.

One of Lennon's most famous post-Beatles songs is *Imagine*; I've pasted the lyrics at the bottom of this entry. This song talks about a shining worldwide brotherhood, where no one fights or competes, and we all just love each other and live in peace.

Although beautiful both in music and lyrics, though, this song has always discomforted me in its lumping of people into a *group* where we *all* do all these things. In my mind, this seems to be a real dichotomy in society even today: there are people who believe in the strength of the individual to create and to choose how he will live, versus the people who believe in groups of people who are oppressed, or privileged, or whatever, and need one-size-fits-all solutions.

There is a monument to John Lennon on Videy Island, Reykjavik Iceland, that sends a bright column of light into the sky.



Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Cool Video

Grace is defined in Christian terms as *unmerited favor* -- in other words, it is the gift of salvation that we are totally incapable of earning. While it's easy to give lip service, it can be boggling to try to really wrap one's mind around what this means.

Here's a great video that, while funny, gives a good illustration of Grace. Enjoy!

Where Does Faith Come From?

My dear friends, from a radio interview I've just become aware of a remarkable man, and wanted to share this with you.

When you are sad or annoyed, think of Nick and the joy he has. Is it just denial? A sleight of mind? It seems humanly impossible that someone with this handicap could develop such optimism. Nick says it's Christ.

Think about this...

We Have a Winner!

Thank you to everyone who participated and/or voted in the blog review contest! It was a lot of fun.

I'm going to move the original voting chart to the side of this blog so it doesn't take too much room. The final tally is here:

Temlakos...................10
Donna L.......................0
History Lover...............0
Josie O........................4
Tilly F..........................2
Hannah C....................2
Kathy H.....................13

As you can see, Kathy H. won with 13 votes out of 31. She has elected to donate the $50 prize money to Feed the Children, one of her favorite charities. Feed The Children is a Christian, international, nonprofit relief organization with headquarters in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. They deliver food, medicine, clothing and other necessities to individuals, children and families who lack these essentials due to famine, war, poverty, or natural disaster. You can read more about them here

Way to go, Kathy!

Thank you everyone.

Have a great day.