The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
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The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
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shamelessly lifted from http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/Humor/otherhumor/dog_cat_diary.htm after a post on Leo's blog at http://addingmyviews.blogspot.com/2008/11/dog-diary-vs-cat-diary.html
10 comments:
Ha! I'd seen that cat one before. It's funny! I'm such a dog person. I have two...and it's true, everything is their favorite thing, isn't it? LOL.
But hey, dogs aren't for everyone. Heck, if they didn't make me sneeze, mabye I would have been a cat person....
Amy,
This is hilarious! I MUST let my husband read this post. He's a cat lover (I even did a Mother's Day blogpost about him called "Mother Cat Man"). He feeds the dozen or so that live beneath our apt. bldg., and he's writing a short story about some sly, human-ridding cats too!
Dog Lover
You forgot...
6:00PM - Bath. Bummer.
Very well done. I appreciate you lifting that from another source and sharing it with us. I'm curious how Alison will respond...
Oh, do tell -- is she a cat lover, or cat hater?
Alison, are you there?
That's hilarious!
I actually like both cats and dogs, but I'm not allowed to have either.
As for the cat, it has something to do with that power of allergies thing.
As for dogs, I'm wearing my hubby down- some day he'll give in. He keeps using excuses like "When the kids are older."
:)
O, I'm so glad you posted this! I saw it on someones elses site & lost it. Then when I tried to describe it to my son, it just wasn't as funny without the actual words ya know? So funny.....and true!
I'm here! That's so funny, Amy.
I can identify with both sides of the coin. I've been cat person all of my life. Pros: they're soft, low-maintenance (except for hair everywhere!), and a warm, purring one can comfort like no other. When they choose to love you, it's a big compliment.
But last year my husband couldn't stand not having a dog anymore, so I became the owner of my first dog. I was skeptical. I'll admit, though, that I've gotten more attached to her than I thought I would. I love how she wags her bottom off when we come home, how she loves to play, and how she just loves to be near us. Downside: I can't stand the tinkling sound of her breaking heart each time we leave. I feel so bad, even though she's a pet. Cats are more independent, and I don't feel so bad.
Well, 'nough said. Now, if only I wouldn't have to listen to perpetual cracks about cats disappearing on tamale-making days, I'll count my lucky stars.
(Oh, and I can't resist: to see a picture of our little hound, go to this link on my husband's blog: http://davebryant.blogspot.com/2008/12/daisyerr-maxpicture-by-kara.html)
Hi
I love dogs but the problem is my dog's diary has this entry
Several times a day- dig up patches of lawn! My favorite thing!
Best wishes
Ruth Dell
ruthdell[at]mweb.co.za
I've read this cute little anecdote before, but it's SO funny! I'm single and childless, so my "baby" is my almost-two-year-old pit bull/boxer mix, Sadie. I wouldn't give up my Sadie Brown Eyes for all the cats in the world!
-- Sarah Salter
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