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Monday, June 22, 2009

Browsing Old Cemeteries

Perhaps a bit morbid, but I had to smile to read some of these epitaphs. Hope they're worth a smile for you too!


Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :

Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.


In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go.


On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle , Age 102. Only The Good Die Young.


In a London , England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann , Who lived an old maid but died an old Mann
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna


In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast ... Pardon me for not rising.


In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake .
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.


In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.


A lawyer's epitaph in England :

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange.


John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny


In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune


Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls , Vermont :

Here lies the body of our Anna ,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.


On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket , Massachusetts :

Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.


In a cemetery in England :

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.


To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent.
Until I know which way you went.


Anonymous said...

OMG, these are so funny. :-)

At first I was like, Browsing old cemeteries???? LOL.

I might have to post these on my Friday Funnies (with credit to you of course).

LOL. Great way to start out Monday!

Gwen Stewart said...

These are too funny!

Mine is not funny, but I've made my husband promise to use it for me:

Here lies Gwen Stewart. She loved the Lord and did a lot of laundry.

That's really the story of my life. LOL

Sarah Salter said...

Funny, Amy! :-)

My mom's a history teacher. When normal people go on vacation, they shop or go to museums. Not us. We go to cemetaries... Did you know that in Beaufort, NC, there's a British soldier from the Revolutionary War who was buried standing up, saluting, facing England? Yep. That's the kind of useless trivia that my head is full of. No wonder I can't remember to take my vitamins or put my garbage out on the street on pick-up day...

HollyMag said...

These were great Amy! Thanks for sharing!

sarah said...

ha ha, amy, those are hilarious!

Anne L.B. said...

Amy, you have some gems here. You always make me glad I've stopped by your blog, even when I'm too rushed to comment. I was rushed when I first saw this, and just had to stop back and tell you.

Leo said...

Hi Amy,

Thanks for sharing this...I always find creative epitaphs to be very interesting. I love to walk through old cemeteries though I have not done so for quite awhile. I believe that one of the oldest in the Detroit area is Elmwood and that is definitely on our to do list.

Anonymous said...

Left off the last stanza:

Here lies Lester Moore
Shot to death with a 44
Alas! No Les, No Moore